Are you hanging with the right crowd?
Believe it or not, I used to hang with bullies. I thought that trying to be friends would rub off on them. This crowd spent a lot of time tearing people down, and they rubbed off on me far more than I did them. It was a numbers game that I finally recognized I was losing.
Are you hanging with the right crowd? You tend to find three classes of people in your life: sappers, trappers, and zappers.
Sappers are the vampires who drain your energy. Success-shamers try to make you feel bad about achieving something, “that must have been your second choice.” Trauma-dumpers catastrophize, leaving no oxygen for anyone else. Slackers, downers, and negatives drag everyone to their level of laziness, gloom, and doom.
Trappers are loved ones and friends who want you to stay just as you are. They are comfortable with the current you because they know what to expect and are terrified that you will grow without them because they might not like that version of you, or you might no longer like them. You’ll hear trappers say things like, “What does that leave me,” and “I guess you’ll be too good for us,” and the like. They are the parents who want you to stay home, the spouses and friends who dishearten you from taking risks, investing in yourself, or trying something new.
You’ll want to have candid conversations with your trappers about your love for them and your desire to grow. Most of them don’t want to hold you back; they are just scared. Reassuring them is often all you need to do.
Zappers are the allies who encourage you to be the best version of yourself, hold you accountable, and inspire you to reach new heights. They zap you with new energy. Trusted advisers, mentors, and coaches help you build new skills and capacities. Exemplars inspire you and partners are your peer group who have a vested interest in your success.
The five people you hang with the most have a profound effect. How do you feel around each of those five: sapped, trapped, or zapped with new energy?
Another great way to take inventory is to ask yourself, what shows up when you show up? Do people feel like an empty husk, preserved in amber, or emboldened to take on new challenges?
A good way to find the right crowd is to ask your allies. They’ll point you to some exemplars, advisers, and partners who help them be their best selves. Check them out online, read their newsletters, and participate in some of their free and low-cost programs.
When you find the right ones, invest. You’ll get the mutual accountability that comes with a formal trusted advising relationship and the reciprocity of a mastermind group. Being with the right people connected in common purpose gives you the application, repetition, and accountability you need to soar to new heights.
Have you ever invested in yourself with the right allies and not come away victorious?
The Trusted Adviser Program is my most intensive 1-on-1 program. Within 90 days, you’ll gain sustainable habits that create breakthrough success. You get personalized coaching and support, strict accountability, and commonsense action steps that get results so that you reach your goals more quickly and consistently. Soar to new heights here.
The Founders Forum is a mastermind group for consultants, solo practitioners, and owners of boutique firms who want to shorten their path to a meaningful, joyful, and profitable business. You’ll accelerate the quality and speed of your thought leadership, develop a business development process that you are proud to execute (and avoids the awkward pushiness), and brand building that you are pleased to display (and avoids the slimy feeling of self-promoting).