psychological safety

Political Statements Undermine Psychological Safety

CEOs, wanting to appear decisive, damage psychological safety by speaking too quickly.

Shut your mouth if you want people to speak their minds. CEOs, wanting to appear decisive, damage psychological safety by speaking too quickly.

Why It Matters

People must believe they’ll be heard and treated respectfully before they disagree with you or a colleague, offer fresh ideas, or try new things.

Stating your preferences upfront chills conversation and invites band wagoning. People will keep ideas to themselves — why waste energy when the boss has already voted?

Making statements on contentious social or political issues tells people who believe differently that their views are not welcome.

React quickly to stop bullies from badgering or intimidating others into silence.

By the Numbers

Companies with high psychological safety experience:

  • 27% lower turnover
  • 76% higher engagement
  • 50% more productivity

Your employees experience:

  • 74% less stress
  • 67% willingness to try new things
  • 29% more life satisfaction

Take these steps:

  • Let others offer their views and ideas before you weigh in.
  • Use RAVEN when someone disagrees with you or offers fresh ideas.
  • Enforce mutual respect. Don’t let the self-righteous create a hostile work environment.
  • Don’t comment on political and social issues or make people display symbols. Do reinforce your values.

Suppose mutual respect is a core value, for example. In that case, emphasize that the freedom to disagree agreeably is central to your company’s ability to report bad news quickly, explore fresh ideas and innovate.

Going Deeper into psychological safety

We’re in a workplace crisis. 40% of Americans report that their job harms their mental health. Psychological safety gets dangerously low when people worry that anything they say or write puts them at risk of being scolded. Workplace fear heightens anxiety.

Universities have significant problems. At MIT, for example, over 40 percent of the faculty report self-censoring more today than in 2020. Large publishers increasingly reject books that might stir controversy, fearing another American Dirt fallout. 

CEOs often feel pressure from employees and customers to take a stand on divisive issues. Major League Baseball moved the All-Star game from Atlanta to Denver over concerns that Georgia’s new voting law would suppress Black voters. Disney waded into Florida politics over the so-called “Don’t Say Gay” bill. CEOs from several companies spoke out against the Supreme Court decision overturning Roe v Wade.

Principled arguments exist on most issues, and CEOs have found themselves looking foolish or retracting statements as more facts emerge. Taking one side alienates employees and customers who see the issue from another perspective. You can reaffirm your values and commitment to mutual respect without getting burned on the hot buttons.

P.S. My psychological safety article was so popular that Dr. Mark Goulston and I created the Net Psychological Safety Score so you can assess your organization.

fire employees

Attract Great Talent – Learn how to Fire Employees

The people you fire become ambassadors or detractors, and everyone in your organization is watching.

The economy is heading toward recession, and companies participating in the post-COVID hiring frenzy are laying people off. Ferocious firing has replaced quiet quitting.

How to fire employees well

You will also fire employees, whether by economic necessity or common sense, and you should put the same care into letting people go as you do in bringing them on board.

Doing it wrong is a smell that keeps on stinking.

  • You come across as incompetent
  • Your employees focus on their exit strategy instead of their jobs
  • You get a reputation as a jerk and your company as a bad workplace

Doing it right boosts your credibility.

  • People feel valued as you give them an off-ramp
  • Your most productive employees stay engaged
  • People you let go will want to rejoin your company
  • Good reputation spreads

Going Deeper

Every good company has an onboarding process. Do you have a dignified off-ramp?

Recession is coming; not inevitable, but likely, and layoffs are stacking up. Finding a new job takes most people 3.5 to 6 months.

Tech companies are firing people poorly. Google reportedly fired 12,000 by midnight email, even as CEO Sundar Pichai doesn’t cut his compensation. Netflix let go of hundreds and yet wants to hire a $385,000 flight attendant for the bigwig’s private jet.

Apple has avoided the Google, Netflix, and Meta mess thanks to slower hiring and leaner perks.

HBR has good advice for CEOs.

Only a third of the workforce is engaged, while the percentage of actively disengaged increased to 18% in 2022. One out of every five employees is both unproductive and spreading dissent. By firing well, you are doing the latter a favor by allowing them to find a better fit.

Hiring slowly means you’ll make fewer errors and find that you don’t need as many on the payroll. You can do without a significant percentage of the fifty percent who report being unengaged.

invest time

Aaron Rodgers Shows That Leaders Need to Invest Time in New Subordinates

The best leaders invest time

The best leaders that I have studied create implicit understanding with their new subordinates.

Relying on implicit understanding can damage your organization. Leaders need to take the time to invest in their new subordinates.

It’s as if they can read each other’s minds, anticipate their responses, and be on the same page in the most fluid situations. Implicit understanding powers your organization through volatility and uncertainty.

What happens when people who share implicit understanding split up and new people arrive? 

Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers is one of the best to have ever played the position. I started being a Packers fan when he got the starting job, and I have loved watching him perform and elevate the team’s performance as a leader. For the past few years, Rodgers and Pro Bowl receiver Davante Adams had a unique chemistry that comes from an intuitive understanding of how each other thinks and reacts to situations.

There’s an excellent chance that you have a similar relationship with some of your subordinates, which creates a sense of flow whenever you are together. You know that you can rely on these subordinates to be at the critical points, respond appropriately to challenges, seize opportunities, and bounce forward from setbacks.

Rodgers lost Davante Adams and a few other receivers before the 2022-23 season and gained a crop of talented replacements. As usual, Rodgers did not attend much training camp before the season began. He knows the offense cold.

The result of not investing time

Missing training camp deprived Rodgers and his new receiving corps of the opportunity to build trust and chemistry before the season began. The offense was out of sync as the Packers lost eight of their first twelve games before winning four straight and heading into the final game with a playoff berth on the line.

Rodgers and the offense were off all game, and the Packers lost. Setbacks happen in professional sports, business, and life. While it’s easy to spend time dissecting the reasons for the poor performance in the final game, I go back to the pre-season’s lost opportunity. Had Rodgers invested time as a leader in his new receivers, the Packers would have won a few more of their first twelve games and been a lock for the playoffs.

Why it matters

Intuitively believing that your new subordinates “get it” and get you as well as their predecessors is a standard error for even the most experienced leaders. Confederate general Robert E. Lee made the same mistake with a new corps commander, which cost him at Gettysburg. I remember being frustrated with a new subordinate until I looked in the mirror and recognized that I had not invested as much time building the new relationship as I had with his predecessor.


Performance usually drops when a dynamic leader-subordinate duo splits up because the leader presumes the implicit understanding transfers seamlessly. Disappointment always follows.

You cannot transfer, teach, or scale intuitive relationships and processes. As a leader, you must make expectations as explicit as possible by using commonly understood visuals, terms, and behaviors. By doing so requires you to invest time in developing your relationships and being prepared to shift your behavior to bring out the best in your new subordinates.

Explicit communication is the foundation for implicit understanding.





psychological safety

How the Best Leaders create Psychological Safety

The best leaders create an environment in which people feel the confidence to speak their minds about problems and issues.

People don’t speak up about problems unless they feel safe doing so, and inadequate psychological safety has led to airline crashes, massive business calamities, surgical errors, military defeats, and at least one naked emperor.

The best leaders create an environment in which people feel the confidence to speak their minds about problems and issues. Toyota was famous for encouraging employees to stop the production line when they believed something was going wrong. After taking over as Ford’s CEO, Alan Mullaly noticed that every stoplight briefing chart was green even though the company had a series of production disasters. His subordinates were afraid to tell the truth, and it cost millions.

Psychological safety is not as easy as telling people to let it rip. Bullies speak their minds to intimidate others or shut down debate. They might call it radical candor or another euphemism, but they create a toxic environment that discourages other points of view.

People who believe they can speak their minds without retribution but are certain their views fall on deaf ears will soon decide not to waste their energy and breath.

The best leaders I’ve studied employ a common approach to psychological safety

I just finished reading, And There Was Light: Abraham Lincoln and the American Struggle, Jon Meacham’s recent biography of the 16th President. Lincoln surrounded himself with people who saw the world differently than he did and encouraged them to convey their ideas and perspectives.

Meacham’s telling of Lincoln’s meetings with Black leaders, political allies, and opponents about Emancipation and ending slavery is a study in psychological safety. Lincoln encouraged people to share their views, demanded mutual respect during debates, and showed that he took new ideas seriously.

General Dwight Eisenhower used the same approach. He cultivated cognitive and experiential diversity and used clarifying questions to encourage people to speak their minds. He fired staff officers (primarily American) who could not work with allies and carefully considered opposing views and new ideas. Success at Normandy and in Western Europe followed.

He also had his share of hiccups giving Montgomery the green light for the overly-optimistic Operation Market Garden and accepting groupthink from his intelligence chiefs who missed the Nazi build-up before the Battle of the Bulge.  

Psychological safety does not ensure perfection, nor does it mean the leader always makes the right decision among competing options. However, it gives you the best chance to prevent problems, encourage innovation, and shape the future.

Dr. Mark Goulston and I created the Net Psychological Safety Score so you can assess your organization. Contact Chris at chris@strategicleadersacademy.com if you want to use the assessment for your organization.





Southwest and China show the Consequences of Poor Investment

Southwest China

Southwest reportedly uses 1990s technology to manage its crews, ground support, and aircraft.

Whereas other airlines used profits and COVID subsidies to invest in better infrastructure and workforce improvements, Southwest, which used to be known for its employee-friendly and customer-centric culture, shelled out dividends to investors.

When last week’s predictable winter storm hit, Southwest was alone among other airlines in its inability to adapt. Employee shortages impeded ground operations as people called in sick or refused demands to work overtime. Some of those who came to work suffered frostbite, which shows inexcusable leadership deficiencies. Poor communications infrastructure undermined Southwest’s ability to know where its crews and planes were and how to get them to the right places. The airline canceled flights a week later; thousands were stranded or separated from their bags.

China, meanwhile, lifted its draconian zero-COVID policy with little warning or preparation, exposing millions to death from the virus.  

China’s vaccines do not work as well as western ones, but chest-thumping nationalism was more critical to the Chinese Community Party than protecting their people. Zero-COVID also meant that few people built natural immunity from exposure; the virus could be as deadly in China as earlier and more lethal versions were in the west. Mr. Xi was asleep at the switch on the healthcare system, preferring to invest billions in threatening Taiwan and others instead of building hospitals and facilities needed for post-zero-COVID.

Southwest will take a massive hit to its bottom line and reputation. The Biden administration looks keen to sanction the company, too. I’ll be choosing United more often now because I don’t trust Southwest until they enact meaningful reforms.

The likely death toll in China will damage its international reputation and may inspire more public protests like the ones that brought about the end of zero-COVID. Mr. Xi used the pandemic to create the world’s most sophisticated police state, so brutal crackdowns are likely if protests threaten the regime’s stability. Mr. Xi and his cronies have only themselves to blame.

Southwest and China show that preventive action, like investing in your people and infrastructure, is always cheaper than corrective action.

What strategic investments are you making in yourself and your people?

Zelensky shows that Davos-man is dead

Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky, the anti-Davos man, shows that respected leaders bring people together for the common good.

In his characteristic green t-shirt and boots, Zelensky told the U.S. Congress that support for Ukraine is an investment in the future, not charity. He comes across as authentic, confident, and self-aware: an underestimated former comedian who rallied the Ukrainian people to repel the Russian onslaught, gained military support from the West and remains firmly in charge of the war. When offered evacuation, Zelensky famously replied that he wanted more ammunition, not a ride.

Compare Zelensky to Peter Goodman’s Davos-man, the well-coiffed, self-dealing elitist who comes each year to the Swiss resort town to hobnob with kindred spirits and tell people how to live their lives in ways that enrich other Davos-men. Former Afghan President Ashraf Ghani came to embody this persona. When the Taliban marched toward Kabul, Ghani and his senior officials reportedly took the money and ran. The Afghan military, which other Davos-men claimed was capable, disintegrated.

Davos-man wasn’t always corrupt and self-serving. Governing elites brought unprecedented prosperity to their constituents, won the Cold War, founded companies that created information-age economies, and advanced human rights across the globe. By the early 1990s, popular trust in leaders and institutions was high, but hubris and corruption set in.

Faith in leaders and institutions waned as calamities stacked up: the housing crisis, financial crisis, the Afghanistan and Iraq fiascos, the bungling response to COVID, and the hypocrisy of do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do lockdowns and mandates. Davos-man always seemed to escape accountability, laughing all the way to the bank.

Sensing their moment, China, Russia, and others made aggressive moves to undermine post-WWII institutions and agreements that they claimed protected western advantage to others’ detriment. Putin calculated that Davos-man would buckle and Kyiv would fall like Kabul.

Zelensky was no Davos-man. He rallied Ukraine, stiffened Western backbone, and, remarkably, brought Americans together (scolds like Fox’s Tucker Carlson aside).

It’s too soon to call Zelensky another Churchill — it’s a short walk from the penthouse to the outhouse. Ukraine’s government may revert to kleptocratic behavior once the shooting stops and re-building money pours in. Ukraine’s recent strike into Russia may signal a willingness for Zelensky to overreach. Time will tell.



Nonetheless, Z-man — straightforward, unpretentious, self-aware, comfortable in his own skin, and willing to exemplify Ukraine’s standards and values — is a breath of fresh air and capable of inspiring respect.

The Davos-man’s fall and the ensuing chaos show that companies must safeguard trust in leaders and systems. It’s easy to get complacent, and you can create perverse incentives that reward selfishness and duplicity in the name of growth. Tribalism results when people lose faith in leaders and systems, which tears companies apart even faster than societies.

To avoid this problem, monitor the extent to which your employees believe that the leaders in your company exemplify your values and standards and whether they think that people are held accountable for their actions.

If the answers are not what you hope, the first place to look is in the mirror. Do your actions exemplify your values and standards, or do people believe you have a Davos-man snobbery that rules only apply to the masses?

Are you holding people accountable for practicing the values, or do you look the other way at Toxic Tom because he’s got good numbers or talks a good game? Does Kiss-up Kevin get special treatment?

Do you communicate plainly so that your employees know what awesome, acceptable, and awful look like?

Nip problems in the bud when your subordinates stray. Avoid platitudes and be very clear on the behaviors you expect of them. Correcting poor leadership actions early on is far easier than addressing them after they’ve become habits. Davos-man went from public servant to self-dealing elitist, paving the way for demagogues and tribalism.

Zelensky shows the uniting power of leaders willing to walk the talk, exemplify courage, and serve the common good. You don’t need a fancy degree, an expensive suit, or a massive bank account to be a respected leader.

Happy New Year

leaders

Leadership: What Britney Griner’s Prisoner Exchange shows

Leadership: Leaders play favorites, and for many good reasons.

You bring people into your circle that you trust and who provide unique value and exclude others who lack those qualities. Any sensible leader follows this practice.

There’s a difference between this approach and one that only allows people into your inner circle because they look, think, or act as you do. You might enjoy having those people around you because they make you feel good, but tribalism creates blindspots that will damage your organization.

Playing favorites based on bias convinces people that no matter how well they perform, they won’t be recognized and appreciated. That’s why talented people vote with their feet for other companies.

Great leaders consciously include those who look, think, and have significantly different experiences. These leaders help inner circle members find their voice, make sure they are heard, and take action on their input. Gaining diverse perspectives improves decision-making and helps leaders avoid getting high from their own gas. The fabled emperor with no clothes is as much a tale about sycophantic advisors as it is about self-deception.

The best leaders rotate who’s in the inner circle based on their value to the leader and organization.

People who believe they’ll always be favored get lazy and protective of their turf. The result is you get worse advice and higher tension. You’ll find yourself refereeing more disputes and missing invaluable perspectives. You have to bring in the fresh air.

It’s too bad the Biden administration could not secure the release of both Americans in Russian captivity. Leaders make decisions among difficult choices. Griner is pledging her support for Whelan’s release.

Who’s in your inner circle, and what value are they providing?

Feedback is one of the best ways to understand what’s going right and wrong and make accurate adjustments that respond to vital needs. Most leaders and organizations manage feedback poorly, and 360s tend to be poorly designed and worthless.

Respond well to feedback, and your credibility grows substantially. Your credibility diminishes if you respond poorly or act on bad advice.

Giving feedback is one of the essential roles of a leader, but it can be the most uncomfortable.

The best leaders give feedback that heightens productivity; many leaders, however, inadvertently create resentment.

The good news is that there are behaviors you can adopt that increase your credibility in giving, getting, and responding to feedback.

After this live discussion, you will be able to give feedback that increases performance without creating resentment, gain and respond to feedback in ways that boost your credibility and enhance productivity, and learn when to ignore input altogether.

Change; How to deal with its Resistance

chaange

Cui Bono — Who Benefits?

Asking “who benefits” is the best way to understand what appears to be strange behavior, which becomes your key to addressing resistance to innovation and change. Those responsible for specific actions are most likely to gain from them.

China’s waning zero-COVID policy is a classic example. Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests that high-quality vaccines plus natural immunity while protecting the most vulnerable is the most viable path to harmonizing safety and well-being.

China has access to this information, so why the persistent zero-COVID policy that has damaged the Chinese economy, undermined their citizens’ well-being and disrupted global supply chains?

Who benefits, and what makes them better off? Xi Jinping. Zero-COVID allowed him to create the world’s most sophisticated police state through smartphone apps that track every aspect of people’s lives. Concurrently, he used the crisis to complete his seizure of power, eliminate rivals, and get himself installed as dictator for life. With those objectives secured, he’s using the ongoing protests to pivot from zero-COVID.

Change: How do I apply it?

Asking who benefits and what makes them better off helps you uncover why people resist change and to address it.

“That’s not how we’ve always done it” signals resistance to a new process or idea. People want to avoid leaving their comfort zones, especially if the status quo seems beneficial.

Loud complaining, gaslighting, and sabotage escalate the resistance. Strong-willed people will do their best to make you uncomfortable promoting the change; flying off the handle and creating a groundswell of opposition is their way of convincing you to leave them alone. You undermine your credibility and increase your costs when you tolerate this behavior.

Slow-rolling is the tactic of stalling and hoping the boss either goes away or kills the new idea. Slow-rollers cite the obstacles they are encountering, complain about inadequate resources even when they have enough, and cite higher priorities that require their attention.

The most insidious involves telling the boss what they want to hear while continuing to do what you want. Graduate-level resistance makes you look foolish because everyone thinks you believe the smokescreen.

Most people practicing these tactics are not evil actors. They get comfortable with routines because they use less mental and emotional energy when performing tasks they know well. They may honestly believe that the status quo is the better path. Sometimes that’s the case, but knee-jerk resistance to innovation is a fast track to failure. Familiarity leads to inertia, inertia creates resistance to change, and unwillingness to innovate generates complacency. You can only drift in one direction — downhill. Ask Sears, ToysRUs, and FTX.

There’s a myth about the military that you can order someone to do something, no matter how ridiculous, and they’ll do it. I encountered these forms of resistance on active duty and had to get good at addressing them.

Buy-in is the shortest path to success, and people buy in when they believe they are better off doing so. You need self-interest on your side.

People change their behavior based on three factors: fear that they’ll suffer adverse consequences, interest: they decide that they are better off by changing, or honor: that continued resistance to change will harm others. Historians will recognize these three powerful motives from Thucydides.

Successful leaders find the right levers to pull.

You’re back on track with:

  • Jim, I’ve heard your point of view and given you why I believe innovation is vital to our success. Here are three steps I need you to take to implement the decision. What additional resources or guidance do you need?
  • Susan, I’m considering a new initiative. May I get your views on how this makes you and your team better off and what downsides we need to address?
  • Tony, I know you prefer to continue using the process that you developed. The problem is that no one else uses it, and the company would have to suck down the costs of allowing everyone to do their own thing. Standardizing our processes saves us $ 2 million annually, which we can apply to bonuses and investments in people.   

__________________________________________________________________________________________

If you are a veteran coach or consultant, Thursday’s live discussion is for you.

Sales are the heartbeat of your business. I’ll discuss how to gain great clients without feeling pushy or uncomfortable.

After participating in this discussion, you will have the tools to have successful business development calls based on my Gets Me – Gots Me – Helps Me process.

  • Gain action steps so you can execute the process with your prospects.
  • Avoid coming across as pushy or with “sales breath” when you meet people.
  • Differentiate between intro and business calls, so you avoid coming across using bait-and-switch tactics.
  • Stop wasting time and burning bridges trying the crazy tactics you see used (unsuccessfully) on social media.
  • Avoid the colossal waste of time and money on ads and internet marketing.
  • Have business development calls that are comfortable, joyful, and successful.

The discussion starts at 3:30 pm US Central on December 15. I’ll provide 30 minutes of actionable content followed by 30 minutes of Q&A.

Reply to this email for the calendar invitation, or create your own and dial in with this zoom link: https://us06web.zoom.us/j/2829958553.

Please share this opportunity with two or three others who would benefit from the discussion.

diversity

What the Collapse of FTX tells us about Diversity; and shows Leaders where they can do Better

leaders

Samuel Bankman-Fried, by work standards, had a diverse inner circle, but groupthink and lack of perspective sank his company, FTX, and cost people billions. Skin-deep diversity is a fast track to failure.

Diversity

Diversity, Shallow and Deep

The head of a Milwaukee consulting firm that trains women for participation in corporate governance told an audience last week that having two women on a board of directors leads to better decisions. A (male) spectator noted that the speaker’s board of directors consisted of women only and wondered if the presence of two men would be helpful.

The NASDAQ stock exchange has directed its participating companies to have two diverse board directors, including one who self-identifies as female and one who self-identifies as either an underrepresented minority or LGBTQ+,” or explain to shareholders why they’ve fallen short.

As I’ll discuss below, physical diversity is important for legitimacy. Tokenism is shallow, and so is having the deck stacked against you because of your chromosomes.

FTX’s collapse shows that skin-deep diversity is insufficient, and this HBR study shows why it could damage your company.

Courageous leaders broaden participation and recognize that unisex, monochrome boards lack legitimacy. They surround themselves with people who look and think differently and have different life experiences.

Diversity is an iceberg; what you see above the waterline represents a fraction of its mass. Below the surface lies the iceberg’s bulk. Ignore that and wind up like the Titanic.

Physical diversity — what you can see — is the tip; cognitive and experiential diversity occupy the depths.

Leadership

Cognitive diversity occurs when you surround yourself with people who think differently. Their natural contributions provide you with alternative capacities. Some are tactical innovators willing to rock the boat, while others build consensus and keep people on board. Big-picture strategists help you solve complex challenges, but somebody’s got to manage the details. My PROM Archetypes® give you a framework for cognitive diversity. You can take the self-assessment here.

Experiential diversity includes education, development, and life experiences that provide perspective. Math and science nerds who’ve lived their entire lives in leafy suburbs, regardless of their chromosomes, are likely to have monochrome views. In contrast, people who might look the same but have varied socio-economic backgrounds, experiences, and education will enrich discussion and decision-making.

You Need All Three

Physical, cognitive, and experiential diversity gives you the capacity for good governance. Without physical diversity, your organization lacks legitimacy in the eyes of your stakeholders. If you don’t have cognitive diversity, you’ll get groupthink. Inadequate experiential diversity undermines the perspective you need to deal with complexity and uncertainty.

FTX had only tip-of-the-iceberg diversity.

Diversity in-depth, combined with a commitment to the common good, creates a board of directors or leadership team that will take your organization to new heights.

Back on Track

  • Our board looks very different than our stakeholders; what perspectives are we missing?
  • We’ve got fantastic ideas, but we keep falling short on execution. Do we have the cognitive diversity we need to be successful?
  • I feel a natural connection with everyone on this all-Ivy-Leaguer board, but we’ve missed the points of view of the people we’re serving.   
  • We agree on everything. When everyone thinks alike, it means that no one is thinking. Let’s bring in the fresh air.

Are you okay with shallow diversity?

Accountability Masterclass

This complementary masterclass on December 7 at 3:30 pm U.S. Central focuses on accountability. By the end of this masterclass, you will be able to:

* Provide feedback that improves performance and reduces awkwardness.

* Use proactive accountability to improve success dramatically.

* Enact a 3-level accountability system that increases buy-in and lowers your burden.

* Avoid common pitfalls that erode accountability and increase tension while leaving you feeling like you are the only one vested in success.

Here is the link to the masterclass on December 7 at 3:30 pm U.S. Central

Share this opportunity with one or two others you think would benefit from the discussion.

people

You Personify the 5 people you are with the most; Make sure you’re Hanging with the Right Crowd

Take a moment and write down the names of these five people and how they make you feel. This self-assessment helps you determine if you spend time with people who drain, trap, or elevate you. These primary associates illustrate your self-respect, aspirations, values, and standards.

Are you hanging with the right crowd?

I wasn’t. I spent time with people who engaged in toxic behavior. They controlled, manipulated, and dragged me down. I felt an obligation toward some; others I thought I could help or that I’d let down if I distanced myself.

Drained of energy, I made unfortunate choices and was not always the kind of person those who inspired me wanted to be around. I struggled to break free.

I promised myself in the mountains of Afghanistan that I would no longer let toxicity control my life. I recognized that life was too short and unpredictable to allow yourself to get dragged down.

I oppugned toxic behavior, cut ties with the worst predators, and challenged others to grow. I surrounded myself with people who brought out my best and inspired me to improve daily.

Improve daily by one percent, and you’ll be twice as good in seventy days

There are three kinds of people in your life: sappers, trappers, and zappers.

Sappers drain your energy and sap your will. Trauma-dumpers use you for personal therapy as they unload about how terrible everything is, and awfulizers exaggerate every inconvenience into a major catastrophe. Jerks abuse you and tell you how screwed up you are; gossips whisper nasty things about everyone else. Success-shamers and passive-aggressive people gaslight.

Trappers love you the way you are and NEVER want you to change. They are comfortable with a particular version of you and want to trap you like a bug in amber, so you are preserved that way.

Zappers give you energy and inspire you to get better. They cheer for you and will tell you the truth because they want what is best for you. These are the ones who help you soar to new heights.

I would never have attempted the Fallen Hero Honor Ride surrounded by the sappers and trappers who controlled my life. I completed the Honor Ride because of the zappers who urged me on, held me accountable, kicked my butt, and helped me improve daily.

Taking Stock

Next to the five names and how they make you feel, note whether they are sappers, trappers, or zappers.

Reduce exposure to the sappers because they make you feel worse or drag everyone else through the mud. They might have the Jerry Springer effect of making you feel better by pointing out the flaws of others, but this person will not help you thrive.

Reassure the trappers that your desire to grow does not mean you love them any less. The ones who genuinely love you will cheer you on; the ones who only want to control you will clamp down harder. Reduce your exposure to the latter. Doing so can be painful, but it’s the only way to keep growing.

Celebrate the zappers in your life and maximize your time with them. Expand your circle to connect with people who can help you achieve new growth and vice versa. I’ve found that attending exclusive events with high-performing people elevates my spirit and sights, and it’s why I offer unique events and only allow zappers to attend.

But, Chris, what happens if I’m a zapper to everyone else but don’t have any in my life?

I got this question after a recent keynote. This situation probably means that your relationships lack reciprocity; you may have surrounded yourself with sappers and trappers while letting a dose of martyr-complex seep into you. See the action steps above to change the situation.

Back on Track

  • Jean, I have a commitment on Friday, so I won’t be able to attend. (Don’t provide more details. You never need to justify saying no).
  • Bob, I know that starting my own consulting business is scary and risky. It’s important to me and will not change how much I love you. May I have your full support?
  • Julie, I heard that you are a terrific speaker. I’m trying to raise my game, and I was wondering if you could give me some advice on where to get support.

Who are the five people you are with the most? Are you happy about that?